You want me to do what?!

"So why do you keep calling me 'Lord, Lord!' when you don't do what I say?" Luke 6:46, NLT

Lately I have been feeling God tapping me on the shoulder, trying to get my attention. In typical Meghann fashion, I ignore Him. I'm not sure if it is me being scared, or wanting to be in control. I pray everyday for certain things, and I can feel God telling me what I need to do but I don't like what He is saying. I worry that doing what God is telling me will prevent me from doing what I want. I am not putting God first in my life right now. He comes in at a very close second, but that's not how it is supposed to be. We are told that God is to come before evrything in our lives. Before spouses, children, family, friends, money, material things... I am scared of how my life will be changed if I start putting God in controll and doing what He tells me. I know that in the end, my life will be better because God knows what is best for us and has a plan for our lives. I am starting to think if I put God first in my life then the nagging feeling I have that something is missing would be gone. I have a constant feeling deep deep inside me that is longing for something, but I have no idea what it is. I try to push it deeper down and pile more emotions and baggage on top. I know myself well enough to know that I can't open up to what God is telling me all at once, but I can try a little bit harder everyday.

( I know this is a bunch of rambling, but that's what this blog is for. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, and seems like a bunch of thoughts just mushed together, it makes sense to me.)