Positive, Encouraging...

Positive, Encouraging....KLOVE! Oh how I love to hear those words through my radio at work and in the car! For over a year now 106.7 has been the default setting on my radios. There have been times when just the right song comes on at just the right time. Or just the right scripture is read at just the right time. I cannot tell you how many times I have been moved or touched by what was said and it changed my whole day.

The past week or so has been rough on me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been feeling defeated and deflated. I was beginning to think I was part of a bad daytime soap opera. (Side note: I love bad daytime soap operas.) Then, today I get in the car to go to work and the first thing I hear is "Positive, Encouraging, Klove" and I felt my body and mind relax. It was like God was telling me "stay positive and encouraging. Don't let the words or actions of others bring you down". That is exactly what I needed to hear and I feel so much better now.

I am going to stay positive and not let the hurtful words or action of others ruin my day. Instead I am going to encourage those people to be disciples of Christ and show them the face of Christ through my words and actions.

Thank you KLOVE for being on the air and doing God's work. You are a true blessing in my life!

A week with Addisyn

What a week! I got to spend an entire week with Addisyn and it was amazing! I haven't been able to spend that much time with her since I was on maternity leave. We didn't do a lot of the things I had wanted to but our time together was awesome. I have so much respect and gratitude for my mother in law and husband who much watch Addisyn during the week. What a little handful she has become! And fast...this girl can get across the house in no time flat! But, even though she is a handful and mobile I loved our week together.
I was able to witness a few of Addisyn's firsts this week! The first time she crawled on her knees! The first time she pulled herself up in her crib! The first time she sat in the normal tub without support! I cannot believe how much she changed in just one week! Even her hair seems to be longer. :)
I was sad to go back to work but knew that it is what I have to do in order to provide Addisyn with the stuff she needs. I wish I could stay home with her and watch her grow up before my eyes all day everyday. I am thankful though that since I cannot be with her everyday she has the next best thing! She has an amazing daddy and grandma who take turns during the week. She is a luck little lady to be able to play with her daddy and grandma and not have to go to daycare.
I am already counting down until my vacation next year! So many more first will happen before then and I know I wont be able to see all of them, but I am happy that someone who loves her more than anything will see them!

Battle Wounds

I know my husband is going to roll is eyes and shake his head when/if he reads this because what I am about to say is 100% contradictory to what I say almost everyday. I love my body! I don't say that to be conceded or self indulgent. Sure, I would love to lose those last few pounds of baby weight and then some, but my body in general is amazing and I love it! I mean think about it...God created our bodies to do amazing things! The fact that we can breath without thinking about it is pretty incredible.

My body has been through a lot and I am awe struck by all it is able to do. My body was able to carry and nurture a baby for 9 months! A living thing was created, grown, and cared for in my body! Stop and think about that for a minute! Pretty incredible right?!

Even though my body was able to carry a baby for 9 months, it was pushed to it's limits. My body had to stretch, and it left it's mark...literally.

I know my body will never be the same again, and I am happy about that. I have battle wounds that I wouldn't trade for anything. I have stretch marks, and a scar from my c-section, and wider hips from carrying a 7lb 11oz baby to term.

Most of the time I look in the mirror and I see only flaws. Today I saw the body of a mother. My body tells the story of me becoming a mother and each stretch mark and the scar on my belly are reminders of the life I brought into this world. They are reminders of how God created me to create Addisyn and I thank him everyday for that!

Getting excited

2 more days!!!! 2 more days and I get to spend a whole week with my baby! I cannot tell you have excited I am to spend so much time with Addisyn! I have not been able to spend more than a long weekend with her since I went back to work when she was 8 weeks old. I have been thinking and planning what I am going to do with her during my time off. Should we go to the park? The swimming pool? The zoo? I want to be able to experience a lot of firsts with her since I have missed so many already. I missed her rolling over the first time, army crawling, figuring out how to take off her diaper :) In the 6 months that I have been working Addisyn has grown up and changed so much! She has gone from tiny baby that seemed almost breakable, to a mobile explorer who bumps her head and keeps going. I look back at pictures of her as a newborn and she doesn't even look like the same baby. She is a little person now. She has emotions, and personality. She laughs when something is funny, and "talks" back when you talk to her. She has a favorite stuffed bunny and smiles so big it melts my heart when she sees it. She can hold her own bottle and wants so desperately to hold her own spoon. I miss my tiny baby...but I am completely in love with a little lady!

As much as I want to experience a lot of firsts with Addisyn during my "staycation", I know she wont remember or care about what we did. I am sure if we just stayed home and played on the floor she would be happy. She is happy with some of the simplest things. Right now she is fascinated with cups and water bottles. It is really cute when we hand her a plastic Tupperware cup and she puts it up to her mouth like she is drinking from it. She does the same thing with water bottles (with the lid on of course). It is so awesome to see the world through her eyes right now, and see her reactions to things we take for granted everyday. I cannot wait to spend a whole week experiencing life through her!

I AM THANKFUL FOR...

For the Wife
who says "it's hot dogs tonight",
because she is home with me,
and not out with someone else.
For the Husband
who is on the sofa
being a couch potato,
because he is home with me
and not out at the bars.
For the teenager
who is complaining about doing dishes
because it means she is home, not on the streets.
For the taxes I pay
because it means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing,
windows than need cleaning,
and gutters that need fixing,
because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining
I hear about the government
because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking
and I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill
because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing
because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off
in the early morning hours
because it means I am alive.

~Author Unknown

8 months / 8 weeks

On Thursday my little lady will be 8 months old! Tear... :'( Sometimes it feels like just yesterday we were holding her in the hospital room. A lot has changed in the past 8 months. Instead of sleeping all day and only waking up to eat, we are lucky if she takes a 20 minute nap during the day. Instead of a bottle every few hours, it's mushed bananas, mushed peas, etc... Instead of cuddling in the chair together, she is crawling around and exploring everything! It is amazing to see how much she has changed. The changes seem to be so gradual, and then we see someone who hasn't seen Addisyn for a few weeks and we realize how much she does change in just a short period of time. :)



Lately it has been really hard for me to leave for work in the morning. It was hard when I first went back but it got easier because Addisyn would be asleep when I left and she didn't understand what was going on. Now, she is awake and she cries when I put her down or hand her off. She reaches her arms out and cries big crocodile tears and says "mmmmm" (her version of momma right now). It breaks my heart but I know she is in good hands when I leave. I also know that after a few minutes she is fine and playing like nothing is wrong.



As much as I hate leaving her in the morning I love coming back to her in the evening! I love the way her little face lights up when she sees me. I love how big her smile is and how she seems to be overwhelmed with joy when I pick her up. :) That makes all the tears and crying worth it. She knows who her momma ("mmmmm") is and that makes my heart swell with so much love, joy, and pride!

There are a lot of differences between 8 weeks and 8 months. I sometimes miss my tiny baby who needed me for EVERY thing. Now at 8 months she can do a lot on her own and doesn't need me for as much. She can crawl to what she wants and pick it up on her own. She can hold the bottle by herself and can almost use the spoon by herself too. When I start to miss Addisyn being a newborn, I just think of how blessed I am to be able to watch her grow into a little lady and see her learning new things everyday. :)

Wants v. Needs

While looking for a new place to rent, Tyler and I looked at a house that was for rent. It was perfect! Large living room for Addisyn to play in, huge eat in kitchen, 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, laundry room, 2 car garage!!! I was hooked! I wanted this house so much! Only problem was it is about 2x what we can afford to pay each month. I was instantly sad and I know that nothing will compare to that house. Nothing will be as nice or big. I was starting to realize I had to move on when the landlord called me today saying if we wanted the house we had to move quickly because someone else was interested in it. Sad again! I have been trying really hard to keep my wants and my needs in check. It's not easy to do, especially now that finances are cut. I go out and I see new summer clothes that I WANT. I don't NEED anything. We NEED food, we WANT to eat out. I WANT a big house, we NEED a roof over our heads.
I have found myself disliking people that have what I want. People who have houses, and new cars, and are having more babies and never seem to worry about money. I constantly worry about money. These people who I dislike have never even done anything to me personally. In fact they have been nothing but nice and friendly, but I am jealous and don't like to be around them for that reason. I find myself comparing their situation to mine and I know that's not fair to anyone. Every one's situation is different and unique.
It is not fair for me to not like someone because the worked hard and have a good job, or are better about saving money so they can buy new things and extend their family. I wouldn't want them to not like me because I don't have what they have.

Prayer

Today I am not feeling very well emotionally and would just like to take this time to pray.

Father God, I want to thank you for today. Thank you are allowing me to be here today and to enjoy all your beautiful creations. Lord, I come to you today and ask you to help me through some issues. Please help me to make the right decision and glorify you in all I do. Father, I ask for you to help me find strength to over come the obstacles in my life right now. I know I can do all things through you. God, please help me to find peace and bring peace to those around me. You know what my heart is feeling today, please show me how to sooth my heart and soul. In your Holy name....Amen.

some of my favorite things

* Addisyn's smile and laugh...Love her!
* Tyler's sense of humor :)
* Sunshine
* The smell of rain
* Chick flicks
* My grandma/mom's ham salad sandwiches...yum!
* Ice cream (Ben and Jerry Chunky Monkey)
* Wacky cake on my birthday
* Spending the morning alone with Addisyn while Tyler sleeps "Just 5 more minutes..."
* Being a Mom and Wife