Who am I?

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, etc... But who am I? This is something I have been thinking about a lot recently. Does being Addisyn's momma define who I am? What about being Tyler's wife, or Mike and Linda's daughter? Katherine and Ashley's sister? Am I my own person any more, or am I just what everyone else needs me to be? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being Addisyn's momma, and Tyler's wife, and Mike and Linda's Daughter, and Katherine and Ashley's big sister. But...I have lost myself in trying to meet everyones needs and wants. I almost feel selfish just thinking about what I need and want sometimes, but I know that if I don't take time for myself, I will not be able to give everyone else what they need. It is exhausting being a wife and mother and the work is never done. There is always laundry to do and bottles to wash. Always diapers to change and baths to give. I love doing all the motherly thing and wifely things, but there are times where I wish I could just be by myself and do something that I enjoy. Even for an hour...that would be nice. I know that all I have to do is tell Tyler I need some time alone and he would watch Addisyn, but I would spend the whole time worrying and wondering what they were doing. If you know me at all you know that I am just a little bit of a control freak. OK, maybe I am a HUGE control freak. No one can do anything the way I like it except me. Only I can fold our laundry the right way, only I can wash the dishes the right way, only I can feed Addisyn the right way. I think you get the point. I have gotten better....slightly. I let anyone feed Addisyn that wants to even if they make a mess. (It's not completely their fault. Addisyn is a messy eater.) I will let anyone change a dirty diaper if they dare. But somethings only I can do. With all this controlling and doing everything my way I have lost my identity and most days feel like am in a bad version of "Ground Hogs Day". So...the moral of this story is I need to let others help me and I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my family. I have a feeling that is easier said then done.

Perfection is over rated

I know it is shocking, but I am not perfect. I will give you a moment is get over the shock...haha. Even though I can say I'm not perfect doesn't stop me from trying to be. This past week has been tough and I only made it tougher for myself and Tyler by trying to live up to my idea of perfection. Being the "perfect wife" and the "perfect mother" is exhausting. One of the things that I struggle with is asking for help. I try to do everything myself and become overwhelmed and stressed out. I just let the stress of trying to be perfect build up and up until I snap. And I usually snap at poor Tyler because he is close by. Poor poor Tyler has been the victim of my beak downs SEVERAL times during our marriage.

Last night I took a big step for me...I asked Tyler for help. Addisyn was getting fussy and ready for bed, and I still had laundry to get done before work in the morning. Normally I would have put off the laundry, gotten Addisyn settled down and in bed, then gone back to the laundry and been up waiting for it to get done. Instead, I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked Tyler to give Addisyn her bedtime bottle and rock her. He gladly helped, and I was able to get the laundry done by the time Addisyn was put in her crib!

It was great to not feel stressed and try to do everything myself, but what was even better was watching Tyler and Addisyn snuggle together before bed. They have a special bond and relationship and it is so neat to see them interact with each other, even when its just snuggling. That girl loves her Daddy, and her Daddy loves her more than she will ever know.

So I have decided, perfection is over rated. I would much rather watch Tyler and Addisyn together then get stressed out trying to do everything myself. (I will always do the laundry myself though. I cannot stand the way Tyler folds clothes...lol)

What keeps me going...

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Tim 4:12



"Your blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4



"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

"May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make his countenance shine upson you, and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn is countence to you and grant you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life -- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6

Amen!!!

"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micha 6:8



This was part of the scripture reading at church yesterday. It has been a long time since I could tell you what the scripture reading was after the service let alone the next day. Yesterday was the installation service for our new pastor. Over the past 5 or so years, the attendance on a normal Sunday has been between 70 and 75 people. Yesterday there were close to 150 people! Praise God! I understand that some of these people may not come back and were former members who wanted to check out the new pastor but it felt like the church I grew up in. The church where 150+ people was normal every week.

As part of the installation service, we took communion and it was amazing! We had to wait for room at the alter! We had to wait on people to receive the sacrament! THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE WE HAD TO WAIT!!! I could feel the presence of God in that church and could feel Him say "It's a new season here at Congress Street United Methodist! Get ready for a change!"

You have to understand that CSUMC is MY church. I grew up there. All of my best memories from growing up are either in the church or with the people who attended. This church helped make me who I am. I fell in love with Jesus in this church! When I went to college I stopped going to CSUMC and when I came back after Addisyn was born it was like walking into a place i have never been. It was so different. Now it is finally starting to feel like the church I know it can be. The amazing thriving church that God wants it to be!

Positive, Encouraging...

Positive, Encouraging....KLOVE! Oh how I love to hear those words through my radio at work and in the car! For over a year now 106.7 has been the default setting on my radios. There have been times when just the right song comes on at just the right time. Or just the right scripture is read at just the right time. I cannot tell you how many times I have been moved or touched by what was said and it changed my whole day.

The past week or so has been rough on me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been feeling defeated and deflated. I was beginning to think I was part of a bad daytime soap opera. (Side note: I love bad daytime soap operas.) Then, today I get in the car to go to work and the first thing I hear is "Positive, Encouraging, Klove" and I felt my body and mind relax. It was like God was telling me "stay positive and encouraging. Don't let the words or actions of others bring you down". That is exactly what I needed to hear and I feel so much better now.

I am going to stay positive and not let the hurtful words or action of others ruin my day. Instead I am going to encourage those people to be disciples of Christ and show them the face of Christ through my words and actions.

Thank you KLOVE for being on the air and doing God's work. You are a true blessing in my life!

A week with Addisyn

What a week! I got to spend an entire week with Addisyn and it was amazing! I haven't been able to spend that much time with her since I was on maternity leave. We didn't do a lot of the things I had wanted to but our time together was awesome. I have so much respect and gratitude for my mother in law and husband who much watch Addisyn during the week. What a little handful she has become! And fast...this girl can get across the house in no time flat! But, even though she is a handful and mobile I loved our week together.
I was able to witness a few of Addisyn's firsts this week! The first time she crawled on her knees! The first time she pulled herself up in her crib! The first time she sat in the normal tub without support! I cannot believe how much she changed in just one week! Even her hair seems to be longer. :)
I was sad to go back to work but knew that it is what I have to do in order to provide Addisyn with the stuff she needs. I wish I could stay home with her and watch her grow up before my eyes all day everyday. I am thankful though that since I cannot be with her everyday she has the next best thing! She has an amazing daddy and grandma who take turns during the week. She is a luck little lady to be able to play with her daddy and grandma and not have to go to daycare.
I am already counting down until my vacation next year! So many more first will happen before then and I know I wont be able to see all of them, but I am happy that someone who loves her more than anything will see them!

Battle Wounds

I know my husband is going to roll is eyes and shake his head when/if he reads this because what I am about to say is 100% contradictory to what I say almost everyday. I love my body! I don't say that to be conceded or self indulgent. Sure, I would love to lose those last few pounds of baby weight and then some, but my body in general is amazing and I love it! I mean think about it...God created our bodies to do amazing things! The fact that we can breath without thinking about it is pretty incredible.

My body has been through a lot and I am awe struck by all it is able to do. My body was able to carry and nurture a baby for 9 months! A living thing was created, grown, and cared for in my body! Stop and think about that for a minute! Pretty incredible right?!

Even though my body was able to carry a baby for 9 months, it was pushed to it's limits. My body had to stretch, and it left it's mark...literally.

I know my body will never be the same again, and I am happy about that. I have battle wounds that I wouldn't trade for anything. I have stretch marks, and a scar from my c-section, and wider hips from carrying a 7lb 11oz baby to term.

Most of the time I look in the mirror and I see only flaws. Today I saw the body of a mother. My body tells the story of me becoming a mother and each stretch mark and the scar on my belly are reminders of the life I brought into this world. They are reminders of how God created me to create Addisyn and I thank him everyday for that!