You make me feel_____when you____.

*Note: all the "you"s are different people in my life. It is not just one person.



You make me feel safe when you hug me.

You make me feel proud when you accomplish a goal.

You make me feel happy when you laugh.

You make me feel dumb when you talk down to me.

You make me feel insignificant when you don't appreciate the things I do.

You make me feel sad when you don't understand I can't control my emotions.

You make me feel scared when you take charge of my child.

You make me feel embarrassed when you act ungrateful.

You make me feel worthless when you point out my flaws.

You make me feel overwhelmed when you move on to something new.

You make me feel angry when you touch my child without asking.

You make me feel hopeless when you don't give me a chance.

You make me feel sorry for you when you have nothing better to do then mess with other people lives and dreams.

You make me feel like giving up when nothing seems good enough for you.

You make me feel enraged when you are rude.

You make me feel confused when you don't practice what you preach.

My refuge

The other day I was in the car and a song come on that instantly brought me to tears. This song always seems to be played on the radio or in church when I am at a low point in life. It almost seems as if God uses it to get my attention. "Shout to the Lord" is a very special song to me. When I was a Sophomore in high school I was blessed to go on a Chrysalis flight and that song become the theme song of the weekend.

'My Comfort, my shelter. Tower of refuge and strength.'
Those words bring tears to my eyes and open my heart. When I first heard this song almost 10 years ago I was going through a tough time. My parents were going through a divorce, I was battling self image issues, and struggling to control anything in my life. It was after hearing 'Tower of refuge' that truly began my relationship with Christ. It was then that I said 'I want Jesus to be my comfort, my tower of refuge. When I feel weak, I want to lean on Him as my strength'.

10 years later I still cry during that song and I still ask Jesus to be my 'Tower of refuge'. I'm not going to say that because of this song my life is now perfect and I no longer struggle. I struggle every day, but this song helps calm me and reminds me that God is in control and that I need to Shout to the Lord all my praise and worship!
My Jesus my Savior

Lord there is none like You

All of my days I want to praise

The wonders of Your mighty love

My comfort my shelter

Tower of refuge and strength

Let every breath all that I am

Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord

All the earth let us sing

Power and majesty praise to the King

Mountains bow down

And the seas will roar

At the sound of Your name

I sing for joy at the work of Your hands

Forever I'll love You forever I'll stand

Nothing compares to the promise

I have in You

A few of my favorite/not so favorite things

Favorite things...

• Hearing Addisyn "talk"
• The way my Husband smells
• A cup of good coffee in the morning
• A soothing cup of tea at night
• Bedding straight out of the dryer
• Cleaning (Mom, I know you are probably rolling your eyes right now)
• Watching Addisyn play with her doll babies
• Talking with my Husband about our days after the baby is in bed

Not so favorite things...

• People who whisper loudly enough that you can tell they are whispering but not loud enough to hear what they are saying
  
• People "crunching" potato chips
• The sound of potato chip bags
• Addisyn crying
• Putting laundry away
• People who get annoyed by a crying baby
  

Committ

Happy New Year everyone! I am about to write the more predictable post of all time. New Years Resolutions! This year instead of make a long list of resolutions I have chosen a word of the year. For 2011 my word is COMMIT. I want to commit everyday to be a better wife and mother. I want to commit to a healthier life for me and my family. I want to commit to reading a little everyday. I want to commit to updating this blog at least once a week.

I would love to hear what your Resolutions for 2011 are!

Happy Birthday Addisyn Clair...

I know this is a little late, but free time is not something I have a lot of right now.



Dear Addisyn,
Happy 1st Birthday Baby Girl! I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. It seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital. One year ago today you changed my life. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love you! My whole heart is swelling and over flowing with unconditional love. When I am away from you my heart aches and when I get to see you again at the end of the day I can hardly contain the joy in my soul. Addisyn, you will never fully know how you have completed my life and given me the best gift anyone could ask for. Thank you for letting me be your momma and letting me spend this past year with you.
As excited and happy as I am today, I am also sad. My baby isn't really a baby anymore. You are growing up so fast. I wish I could push a pause button right now and we could stay in this moment forever. You stay little and let me snuggle with you before bed, and I'll never have to think about you growing up and moving out, or worst yet, moving somewhere far away. In know one day instead of looking at me with those big blue eyes like I am the best person in the world, you will look at me....and roll those big blue eyes because you think I am the dumbest person in the world. So I say we push the pause button right now and never get to the eye rolling.
Even though you are growing up I will never forget what an amazing baby you are. You have the best personality I have ever known, and your laugh is so incredible that it brings joy to everyone who hears it. Your smile lights up your who face and is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. Everyone says babies smell sweet, but Addisyn, you smell like God dipped you in sugar. There are times when I smell your head or neck while you sleep in my arms and I thank God for making you so sweet.
Addisyn, I hope you know how much I love you and want the best for you. I know I'm not the perfect mother and I hope you can forgive me for that. Please know that I thank God for you everyday. I pray for your safety and that you will make good choices. That you will be healthy and happy. That you would be an example of Christ's love and love Jesus with your whole heart. I pray that one day you will find a spouse who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and that you would be blessed with an amazing sugar baby just like I was.
I look forward to another year together and to watching you grow into a little lady!

Forever and Always,
Momma xoxo

My Big Girl!!!

This has been a emotional couple of days for me as a momma. I have watched Addisyn turn into a big girl and I am realizing that she isn't going to be a baby for much longer.
I mailed out her 1st Birthday invitations on Saturday and that's when it hit me. She's growing up! My little puddin' isn't going to be little forever. I wish I could stop time right now and have Addisyn stay a baby forever!
On Sunday Addisyn had another big girl moment. She had her first sippy cup of cow's milk! No more formula! And did you notice that I said sippy cup?! That's right...we are trying to get off the bottle. Another big girl moment! :)
Today was the biggest big girl moment we have had so far. Today Addisyn went to her first day of daycare! I don't know who it was harder on me or her. I know Addisyn is in good hands at Kiddie Kollege, but it was still hard to leave her. It does make it a little easier that I know the director, Kimber, and I know she is GREAT at what she does and that she knows Addisyn. It is also nice that I know Addisyn's "teacher" as well. Gail is an ex-co-workers of mine and she is an amazing woman! It is no accident that these two women are where they are. I know God knows how worried and anxious I have been about leaving Addisyn at daycare. I know he put Gail in Addisyn's classroom so I would know she is being well cared for. I know God opened the doors of Kiddie Kollege to us when we needed it knowing Kimber was in charge so I could feel at peace, and know that someone there loved Addisyn and has known her before she was even born. I still cried when we left Addisyn's classroom, but I knew she was going to be OK, and God was watching over her.
I know more "big girl moments" are still to come...and I look forward to experiencing them with Addisyn, but I am still going to cherish the few "baby moments" we still have.

You want me to do what?!

"So why do you keep calling me 'Lord, Lord!' when you don't do what I say?" Luke 6:46, NLT

Lately I have been feeling God tapping me on the shoulder, trying to get my attention. In typical Meghann fashion, I ignore Him. I'm not sure if it is me being scared, or wanting to be in control. I pray everyday for certain things, and I can feel God telling me what I need to do but I don't like what He is saying. I worry that doing what God is telling me will prevent me from doing what I want. I am not putting God first in my life right now. He comes in at a very close second, but that's not how it is supposed to be. We are told that God is to come before evrything in our lives. Before spouses, children, family, friends, money, material things... I am scared of how my life will be changed if I start putting God in controll and doing what He tells me. I know that in the end, my life will be better because God knows what is best for us and has a plan for our lives. I am starting to think if I put God first in my life then the nagging feeling I have that something is missing would be gone. I have a constant feeling deep deep inside me that is longing for something, but I have no idea what it is. I try to push it deeper down and pile more emotions and baggage on top. I know myself well enough to know that I can't open up to what God is telling me all at once, but I can try a little bit harder everyday.

( I know this is a bunch of rambling, but that's what this blog is for. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, and seems like a bunch of thoughts just mushed together, it makes sense to me.)