Stuff

This song has been my prayer the past few days. Please enjoy!

Can't we all just get along?!

Maybe my expectations are too high, or I am overly sensitive right now, but I have seen an outrageous amount of rudeness recently. Do people not have manners anymore? Did no one else have a Mother that made them have "Princess Lessons" where you learn basic manners? (Thank you Mom!) It seems to me that people have forgotten what it means to be polite and respectful and I think that is very sad.

Let's all make a conscious effort to be polite.
Let's all say 'please' and 'thank you'.
Let's hold the door open for the person behind us.
Let's let the car trying to get out of a parking lot ahead of us.
Let's give up our first row parking spot to the elderly couple, pregnant woman, woman with small children.
Let's take our time and smile when we are out instead of rushing around and snarling at each other.

Can you image what a difference it would make if everyone was just nice?

You make me feel_____when you____.

*Note: all the "you"s are different people in my life. It is not just one person.



You make me feel safe when you hug me.

You make me feel proud when you accomplish a goal.

You make me feel happy when you laugh.

You make me feel dumb when you talk down to me.

You make me feel insignificant when you don't appreciate the things I do.

You make me feel sad when you don't understand I can't control my emotions.

You make me feel scared when you take charge of my child.

You make me feel embarrassed when you act ungrateful.

You make me feel worthless when you point out my flaws.

You make me feel overwhelmed when you move on to something new.

You make me feel angry when you touch my child without asking.

You make me feel hopeless when you don't give me a chance.

You make me feel sorry for you when you have nothing better to do then mess with other people lives and dreams.

You make me feel like giving up when nothing seems good enough for you.

You make me feel enraged when you are rude.

You make me feel confused when you don't practice what you preach.

My refuge

The other day I was in the car and a song come on that instantly brought me to tears. This song always seems to be played on the radio or in church when I am at a low point in life. It almost seems as if God uses it to get my attention. "Shout to the Lord" is a very special song to me. When I was a Sophomore in high school I was blessed to go on a Chrysalis flight and that song become the theme song of the weekend.

'My Comfort, my shelter. Tower of refuge and strength.'
Those words bring tears to my eyes and open my heart. When I first heard this song almost 10 years ago I was going through a tough time. My parents were going through a divorce, I was battling self image issues, and struggling to control anything in my life. It was after hearing 'Tower of refuge' that truly began my relationship with Christ. It was then that I said 'I want Jesus to be my comfort, my tower of refuge. When I feel weak, I want to lean on Him as my strength'.

10 years later I still cry during that song and I still ask Jesus to be my 'Tower of refuge'. I'm not going to say that because of this song my life is now perfect and I no longer struggle. I struggle every day, but this song helps calm me and reminds me that God is in control and that I need to Shout to the Lord all my praise and worship!
My Jesus my Savior

Lord there is none like You

All of my days I want to praise

The wonders of Your mighty love

My comfort my shelter

Tower of refuge and strength

Let every breath all that I am

Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord

All the earth let us sing

Power and majesty praise to the King

Mountains bow down

And the seas will roar

At the sound of Your name

I sing for joy at the work of Your hands

Forever I'll love You forever I'll stand

Nothing compares to the promise

I have in You

A few of my favorite/not so favorite things

Favorite things...

• Hearing Addisyn "talk"
• The way my Husband smells
• A cup of good coffee in the morning
• A soothing cup of tea at night
• Bedding straight out of the dryer
• Cleaning (Mom, I know you are probably rolling your eyes right now)
• Watching Addisyn play with her doll babies
• Talking with my Husband about our days after the baby is in bed

Not so favorite things...

• People who whisper loudly enough that you can tell they are whispering but not loud enough to hear what they are saying
  
• People "crunching" potato chips
• The sound of potato chip bags
• Addisyn crying
• Putting laundry away
• People who get annoyed by a crying baby
  

Committ

Happy New Year everyone! I am about to write the more predictable post of all time. New Years Resolutions! This year instead of make a long list of resolutions I have chosen a word of the year. For 2011 my word is COMMIT. I want to commit everyday to be a better wife and mother. I want to commit to a healthier life for me and my family. I want to commit to reading a little everyday. I want to commit to updating this blog at least once a week.

I would love to hear what your Resolutions for 2011 are!

Happy Birthday Addisyn Clair...

I know this is a little late, but free time is not something I have a lot of right now.



Dear Addisyn,
Happy 1st Birthday Baby Girl! I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. It seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital. One year ago today you changed my life. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love you! My whole heart is swelling and over flowing with unconditional love. When I am away from you my heart aches and when I get to see you again at the end of the day I can hardly contain the joy in my soul. Addisyn, you will never fully know how you have completed my life and given me the best gift anyone could ask for. Thank you for letting me be your momma and letting me spend this past year with you.
As excited and happy as I am today, I am also sad. My baby isn't really a baby anymore. You are growing up so fast. I wish I could push a pause button right now and we could stay in this moment forever. You stay little and let me snuggle with you before bed, and I'll never have to think about you growing up and moving out, or worst yet, moving somewhere far away. In know one day instead of looking at me with those big blue eyes like I am the best person in the world, you will look at me....and roll those big blue eyes because you think I am the dumbest person in the world. So I say we push the pause button right now and never get to the eye rolling.
Even though you are growing up I will never forget what an amazing baby you are. You have the best personality I have ever known, and your laugh is so incredible that it brings joy to everyone who hears it. Your smile lights up your who face and is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. Everyone says babies smell sweet, but Addisyn, you smell like God dipped you in sugar. There are times when I smell your head or neck while you sleep in my arms and I thank God for making you so sweet.
Addisyn, I hope you know how much I love you and want the best for you. I know I'm not the perfect mother and I hope you can forgive me for that. Please know that I thank God for you everyday. I pray for your safety and that you will make good choices. That you will be healthy and happy. That you would be an example of Christ's love and love Jesus with your whole heart. I pray that one day you will find a spouse who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and that you would be blessed with an amazing sugar baby just like I was.
I look forward to another year together and to watching you grow into a little lady!

Forever and Always,
Momma xoxo

My Big Girl!!!

This has been a emotional couple of days for me as a momma. I have watched Addisyn turn into a big girl and I am realizing that she isn't going to be a baby for much longer.
I mailed out her 1st Birthday invitations on Saturday and that's when it hit me. She's growing up! My little puddin' isn't going to be little forever. I wish I could stop time right now and have Addisyn stay a baby forever!
On Sunday Addisyn had another big girl moment. She had her first sippy cup of cow's milk! No more formula! And did you notice that I said sippy cup?! That's right...we are trying to get off the bottle. Another big girl moment! :)
Today was the biggest big girl moment we have had so far. Today Addisyn went to her first day of daycare! I don't know who it was harder on me or her. I know Addisyn is in good hands at Kiddie Kollege, but it was still hard to leave her. It does make it a little easier that I know the director, Kimber, and I know she is GREAT at what she does and that she knows Addisyn. It is also nice that I know Addisyn's "teacher" as well. Gail is an ex-co-workers of mine and she is an amazing woman! It is no accident that these two women are where they are. I know God knows how worried and anxious I have been about leaving Addisyn at daycare. I know he put Gail in Addisyn's classroom so I would know she is being well cared for. I know God opened the doors of Kiddie Kollege to us when we needed it knowing Kimber was in charge so I could feel at peace, and know that someone there loved Addisyn and has known her before she was even born. I still cried when we left Addisyn's classroom, but I knew she was going to be OK, and God was watching over her.
I know more "big girl moments" are still to come...and I look forward to experiencing them with Addisyn, but I am still going to cherish the few "baby moments" we still have.

You want me to do what?!

"So why do you keep calling me 'Lord, Lord!' when you don't do what I say?" Luke 6:46, NLT

Lately I have been feeling God tapping me on the shoulder, trying to get my attention. In typical Meghann fashion, I ignore Him. I'm not sure if it is me being scared, or wanting to be in control. I pray everyday for certain things, and I can feel God telling me what I need to do but I don't like what He is saying. I worry that doing what God is telling me will prevent me from doing what I want. I am not putting God first in my life right now. He comes in at a very close second, but that's not how it is supposed to be. We are told that God is to come before evrything in our lives. Before spouses, children, family, friends, money, material things... I am scared of how my life will be changed if I start putting God in controll and doing what He tells me. I know that in the end, my life will be better because God knows what is best for us and has a plan for our lives. I am starting to think if I put God first in my life then the nagging feeling I have that something is missing would be gone. I have a constant feeling deep deep inside me that is longing for something, but I have no idea what it is. I try to push it deeper down and pile more emotions and baggage on top. I know myself well enough to know that I can't open up to what God is telling me all at once, but I can try a little bit harder everyday.

( I know this is a bunch of rambling, but that's what this blog is for. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, and seems like a bunch of thoughts just mushed together, it makes sense to me.)

Who am I?

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, etc... But who am I? This is something I have been thinking about a lot recently. Does being Addisyn's momma define who I am? What about being Tyler's wife, or Mike and Linda's daughter? Katherine and Ashley's sister? Am I my own person any more, or am I just what everyone else needs me to be? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being Addisyn's momma, and Tyler's wife, and Mike and Linda's Daughter, and Katherine and Ashley's big sister. But...I have lost myself in trying to meet everyones needs and wants. I almost feel selfish just thinking about what I need and want sometimes, but I know that if I don't take time for myself, I will not be able to give everyone else what they need. It is exhausting being a wife and mother and the work is never done. There is always laundry to do and bottles to wash. Always diapers to change and baths to give. I love doing all the motherly thing and wifely things, but there are times where I wish I could just be by myself and do something that I enjoy. Even for an hour...that would be nice. I know that all I have to do is tell Tyler I need some time alone and he would watch Addisyn, but I would spend the whole time worrying and wondering what they were doing. If you know me at all you know that I am just a little bit of a control freak. OK, maybe I am a HUGE control freak. No one can do anything the way I like it except me. Only I can fold our laundry the right way, only I can wash the dishes the right way, only I can feed Addisyn the right way. I think you get the point. I have gotten better....slightly. I let anyone feed Addisyn that wants to even if they make a mess. (It's not completely their fault. Addisyn is a messy eater.) I will let anyone change a dirty diaper if they dare. But somethings only I can do. With all this controlling and doing everything my way I have lost my identity and most days feel like am in a bad version of "Ground Hogs Day". So...the moral of this story is I need to let others help me and I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my family. I have a feeling that is easier said then done.

Perfection is over rated

I know it is shocking, but I am not perfect. I will give you a moment is get over the shock...haha. Even though I can say I'm not perfect doesn't stop me from trying to be. This past week has been tough and I only made it tougher for myself and Tyler by trying to live up to my idea of perfection. Being the "perfect wife" and the "perfect mother" is exhausting. One of the things that I struggle with is asking for help. I try to do everything myself and become overwhelmed and stressed out. I just let the stress of trying to be perfect build up and up until I snap. And I usually snap at poor Tyler because he is close by. Poor poor Tyler has been the victim of my beak downs SEVERAL times during our marriage.

Last night I took a big step for me...I asked Tyler for help. Addisyn was getting fussy and ready for bed, and I still had laundry to get done before work in the morning. Normally I would have put off the laundry, gotten Addisyn settled down and in bed, then gone back to the laundry and been up waiting for it to get done. Instead, I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked Tyler to give Addisyn her bedtime bottle and rock her. He gladly helped, and I was able to get the laundry done by the time Addisyn was put in her crib!

It was great to not feel stressed and try to do everything myself, but what was even better was watching Tyler and Addisyn snuggle together before bed. They have a special bond and relationship and it is so neat to see them interact with each other, even when its just snuggling. That girl loves her Daddy, and her Daddy loves her more than she will ever know.

So I have decided, perfection is over rated. I would much rather watch Tyler and Addisyn together then get stressed out trying to do everything myself. (I will always do the laundry myself though. I cannot stand the way Tyler folds clothes...lol)

What keeps me going...

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Tim 4:12



"Your blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4



"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

"May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make his countenance shine upson you, and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn is countence to you and grant you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life -- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6

Amen!!!

"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micha 6:8



This was part of the scripture reading at church yesterday. It has been a long time since I could tell you what the scripture reading was after the service let alone the next day. Yesterday was the installation service for our new pastor. Over the past 5 or so years, the attendance on a normal Sunday has been between 70 and 75 people. Yesterday there were close to 150 people! Praise God! I understand that some of these people may not come back and were former members who wanted to check out the new pastor but it felt like the church I grew up in. The church where 150+ people was normal every week.

As part of the installation service, we took communion and it was amazing! We had to wait for room at the alter! We had to wait on people to receive the sacrament! THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE WE HAD TO WAIT!!! I could feel the presence of God in that church and could feel Him say "It's a new season here at Congress Street United Methodist! Get ready for a change!"

You have to understand that CSUMC is MY church. I grew up there. All of my best memories from growing up are either in the church or with the people who attended. This church helped make me who I am. I fell in love with Jesus in this church! When I went to college I stopped going to CSUMC and when I came back after Addisyn was born it was like walking into a place i have never been. It was so different. Now it is finally starting to feel like the church I know it can be. The amazing thriving church that God wants it to be!

Positive, Encouraging...

Positive, Encouraging....KLOVE! Oh how I love to hear those words through my radio at work and in the car! For over a year now 106.7 has been the default setting on my radios. There have been times when just the right song comes on at just the right time. Or just the right scripture is read at just the right time. I cannot tell you how many times I have been moved or touched by what was said and it changed my whole day.

The past week or so has been rough on me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been feeling defeated and deflated. I was beginning to think I was part of a bad daytime soap opera. (Side note: I love bad daytime soap operas.) Then, today I get in the car to go to work and the first thing I hear is "Positive, Encouraging, Klove" and I felt my body and mind relax. It was like God was telling me "stay positive and encouraging. Don't let the words or actions of others bring you down". That is exactly what I needed to hear and I feel so much better now.

I am going to stay positive and not let the hurtful words or action of others ruin my day. Instead I am going to encourage those people to be disciples of Christ and show them the face of Christ through my words and actions.

Thank you KLOVE for being on the air and doing God's work. You are a true blessing in my life!

A week with Addisyn

What a week! I got to spend an entire week with Addisyn and it was amazing! I haven't been able to spend that much time with her since I was on maternity leave. We didn't do a lot of the things I had wanted to but our time together was awesome. I have so much respect and gratitude for my mother in law and husband who much watch Addisyn during the week. What a little handful she has become! And fast...this girl can get across the house in no time flat! But, even though she is a handful and mobile I loved our week together.
I was able to witness a few of Addisyn's firsts this week! The first time she crawled on her knees! The first time she pulled herself up in her crib! The first time she sat in the normal tub without support! I cannot believe how much she changed in just one week! Even her hair seems to be longer. :)
I was sad to go back to work but knew that it is what I have to do in order to provide Addisyn with the stuff she needs. I wish I could stay home with her and watch her grow up before my eyes all day everyday. I am thankful though that since I cannot be with her everyday she has the next best thing! She has an amazing daddy and grandma who take turns during the week. She is a luck little lady to be able to play with her daddy and grandma and not have to go to daycare.
I am already counting down until my vacation next year! So many more first will happen before then and I know I wont be able to see all of them, but I am happy that someone who loves her more than anything will see them!

Battle Wounds

I know my husband is going to roll is eyes and shake his head when/if he reads this because what I am about to say is 100% contradictory to what I say almost everyday. I love my body! I don't say that to be conceded or self indulgent. Sure, I would love to lose those last few pounds of baby weight and then some, but my body in general is amazing and I love it! I mean think about it...God created our bodies to do amazing things! The fact that we can breath without thinking about it is pretty incredible.

My body has been through a lot and I am awe struck by all it is able to do. My body was able to carry and nurture a baby for 9 months! A living thing was created, grown, and cared for in my body! Stop and think about that for a minute! Pretty incredible right?!

Even though my body was able to carry a baby for 9 months, it was pushed to it's limits. My body had to stretch, and it left it's mark...literally.

I know my body will never be the same again, and I am happy about that. I have battle wounds that I wouldn't trade for anything. I have stretch marks, and a scar from my c-section, and wider hips from carrying a 7lb 11oz baby to term.

Most of the time I look in the mirror and I see only flaws. Today I saw the body of a mother. My body tells the story of me becoming a mother and each stretch mark and the scar on my belly are reminders of the life I brought into this world. They are reminders of how God created me to create Addisyn and I thank him everyday for that!

Getting excited

2 more days!!!! 2 more days and I get to spend a whole week with my baby! I cannot tell you have excited I am to spend so much time with Addisyn! I have not been able to spend more than a long weekend with her since I went back to work when she was 8 weeks old. I have been thinking and planning what I am going to do with her during my time off. Should we go to the park? The swimming pool? The zoo? I want to be able to experience a lot of firsts with her since I have missed so many already. I missed her rolling over the first time, army crawling, figuring out how to take off her diaper :) In the 6 months that I have been working Addisyn has grown up and changed so much! She has gone from tiny baby that seemed almost breakable, to a mobile explorer who bumps her head and keeps going. I look back at pictures of her as a newborn and she doesn't even look like the same baby. She is a little person now. She has emotions, and personality. She laughs when something is funny, and "talks" back when you talk to her. She has a favorite stuffed bunny and smiles so big it melts my heart when she sees it. She can hold her own bottle and wants so desperately to hold her own spoon. I miss my tiny baby...but I am completely in love with a little lady!

As much as I want to experience a lot of firsts with Addisyn during my "staycation", I know she wont remember or care about what we did. I am sure if we just stayed home and played on the floor she would be happy. She is happy with some of the simplest things. Right now she is fascinated with cups and water bottles. It is really cute when we hand her a plastic Tupperware cup and she puts it up to her mouth like she is drinking from it. She does the same thing with water bottles (with the lid on of course). It is so awesome to see the world through her eyes right now, and see her reactions to things we take for granted everyday. I cannot wait to spend a whole week experiencing life through her!

I AM THANKFUL FOR...

For the Wife
who says "it's hot dogs tonight",
because she is home with me,
and not out with someone else.
For the Husband
who is on the sofa
being a couch potato,
because he is home with me
and not out at the bars.
For the teenager
who is complaining about doing dishes
because it means she is home, not on the streets.
For the taxes I pay
because it means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing,
windows than need cleaning,
and gutters that need fixing,
because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining
I hear about the government
because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking
and I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill
because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing
because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off
in the early morning hours
because it means I am alive.

~Author Unknown

8 months / 8 weeks

On Thursday my little lady will be 8 months old! Tear... :'( Sometimes it feels like just yesterday we were holding her in the hospital room. A lot has changed in the past 8 months. Instead of sleeping all day and only waking up to eat, we are lucky if she takes a 20 minute nap during the day. Instead of a bottle every few hours, it's mushed bananas, mushed peas, etc... Instead of cuddling in the chair together, she is crawling around and exploring everything! It is amazing to see how much she has changed. The changes seem to be so gradual, and then we see someone who hasn't seen Addisyn for a few weeks and we realize how much she does change in just a short period of time. :)



Lately it has been really hard for me to leave for work in the morning. It was hard when I first went back but it got easier because Addisyn would be asleep when I left and she didn't understand what was going on. Now, she is awake and she cries when I put her down or hand her off. She reaches her arms out and cries big crocodile tears and says "mmmmm" (her version of momma right now). It breaks my heart but I know she is in good hands when I leave. I also know that after a few minutes she is fine and playing like nothing is wrong.



As much as I hate leaving her in the morning I love coming back to her in the evening! I love the way her little face lights up when she sees me. I love how big her smile is and how she seems to be overwhelmed with joy when I pick her up. :) That makes all the tears and crying worth it. She knows who her momma ("mmmmm") is and that makes my heart swell with so much love, joy, and pride!

There are a lot of differences between 8 weeks and 8 months. I sometimes miss my tiny baby who needed me for EVERY thing. Now at 8 months she can do a lot on her own and doesn't need me for as much. She can crawl to what she wants and pick it up on her own. She can hold the bottle by herself and can almost use the spoon by herself too. When I start to miss Addisyn being a newborn, I just think of how blessed I am to be able to watch her grow into a little lady and see her learning new things everyday. :)

Wants v. Needs

While looking for a new place to rent, Tyler and I looked at a house that was for rent. It was perfect! Large living room for Addisyn to play in, huge eat in kitchen, 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, laundry room, 2 car garage!!! I was hooked! I wanted this house so much! Only problem was it is about 2x what we can afford to pay each month. I was instantly sad and I know that nothing will compare to that house. Nothing will be as nice or big. I was starting to realize I had to move on when the landlord called me today saying if we wanted the house we had to move quickly because someone else was interested in it. Sad again! I have been trying really hard to keep my wants and my needs in check. It's not easy to do, especially now that finances are cut. I go out and I see new summer clothes that I WANT. I don't NEED anything. We NEED food, we WANT to eat out. I WANT a big house, we NEED a roof over our heads.
I have found myself disliking people that have what I want. People who have houses, and new cars, and are having more babies and never seem to worry about money. I constantly worry about money. These people who I dislike have never even done anything to me personally. In fact they have been nothing but nice and friendly, but I am jealous and don't like to be around them for that reason. I find myself comparing their situation to mine and I know that's not fair to anyone. Every one's situation is different and unique.
It is not fair for me to not like someone because the worked hard and have a good job, or are better about saving money so they can buy new things and extend their family. I wouldn't want them to not like me because I don't have what they have.